Cheap Shots: Dwight Howard's sad love story

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Dwight Howard took out a full-page ad in the Orlando Sentinel, telling fans his “love” for Orlando would never end, even though he's moving on to the Los Angeles Lakers.

It made everyone feel a little sad, except for the advertising department of the Orlando Sentinel.

The Lakers, meanwhle, announced they will be retiring Shaquille O'Neal's No.34 jersey. If all goes right, the Lakers plan on retiring jerseys of former Orlando Magic centers for years to come.

Former New York Knicks center Patrick Ewing is releasing a new basketball shoe, “33 Hi Retro,” that will sell for $100. This has thrilled all the passionate Ewing fans out there, so he should make at least $500.

USC Athletic Director Pat Haden says USC will investigate a Los Angeles Times report that two former USC athletes received cars, airline tickets and cash from a booster. Haden is also looking into rumors the sun rises in the east.

Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg struck out nine in the Nationals' win over St. Louis on Sunday. The Nationals plan to sit him after two more games and hold him out of the playoffs so he can be healthy for an imaginary playoff run in the future.

Real Madrid soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo declined to celebrate his two goals in a 3-0 win on Sunday because he had “sadness …due to a professional motive.” Turns out, club officials refused to budge in their insistence that he can't have the first pick in the office Fantasy Football draft.

The Old Navy clothing brand produced a shirt that says “Houston Texans, 1961 AFC Champions.” Neither the Texans nor the AFC existed in 1961. Old Navy officials were embarrassed to the point where they almost felt bad about all the free publicity.

Jacksonville Jaguars running back Maurice Jones-Drew ended his holdout just in time for the regular season and the start of regular paychecks in the NFL. These coincidences never cease to amaze me.

rhayes@news-sentinel.com