Cheap Shots: Short line for Armstrong's titles

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Cycling's governing body stripped Lance Armstrong of his Tour de France titles and banned him for life Monday. Those seven titles will be awarded instead to the races' highest-finishing clean cyclist. So, in other words, no winner.

Meanwhile, A&M Records has changed Armstrong's status as “former boyfriend” of Sheryl Crow to “brief acquaintance.”

New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman said a trade of Alex Rodriguez is “unrealistic,” but he would listen to offers.

So far, the best offer is from the Chicago Cubs, who are willing to shell out two cases of Old Style and a free serving of tomato bruschetta at Harry Caray's Italian Steakhouse.

The Carolina Panthers fired general manager Marty Hurney on Monday in reaction to the team's disappointing 1-5 start. That's just about the worst thing that could happen to Hurney, other than being forced to watch the Panthers play the rest of the season.

Louisville sophomore basketball player Chane Behanan has been suspended for one exhibition game and banned from talking to the media this semester after “incidents” this summer.

That'll straighten him out. He can't play in a game that doesn't count and he has no outlet to say “It is what it is.”

Los Angeles Lakers forward Metta World Peace suffered a dislocated right middle finger in a preseason game. The upside is he can still flash the peace sign, but not the opposite.

The University of Idaho fired football coach Robb Akey after the team allowed 839 yards in a 70-28 to Louisiana Tech and fell to 1-7 on the season.

This will be a highly sought-after job for coaches currently at schools with either "East," "Central," “Tech” or a hyphen in their names.

The NHL canceled all regular-season games through Nov. 1 as labor talks showed no real progress. I just don't know how much more fans can take of waiting around doing nothing without other sports to occupy their time.

rhayes@news-sentinel.com