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Posted on Sat. Feb. 22, 2014 - 12:01 am EDT

MARINATING, A COLUMN BY MIKE MARIN

Unwanted brain cells no match for ‘The Bachelor’

Turn it on for the stupidity, stay for the phoniness, immaturity.

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I forced myself to watch an hour of “The Bachelor” to see whether the female contestants and the object of their quest had gotten any less superficial and phony than the guys pursuing “The Bachelorette” a couple of years ago. Needless to say, they haven't.

For those who have been told they are too smart for their own good, I have the perfect solution. Catch an hour or so of “The Bachelor.” If anything could kill a few brain cells, that show will do it.

I think I understand why these obligatorily (how's that for a college word?) pretty women have yet to find their “soul mate.” What is it that makes ostensibly smart, sensible women want to go through the courting ritual in front of a few million people as opposed to the privacy of their own home ... or the corner laundromat?

There were more giggles when these mature (ha!) women met “Juan the bachelor” for the first time than you'd get in a kindergarten class forced to exchange Valentine's Day cards. Grow up, ladies.

Among their gimmicks: One brought a stethoscope so Juan could hear how fast her heart was beating. A first-grade teacher gave him a gold star. Another crinkled up her nose so adorably cute I expected her to turn into Samantha from “Bewitched.”

Yet another showed him a jigsaw puzzle with one piece missing. Guess who was the missing piece? And we can't forget the one who gave him a fishing hook in hopes that he would be the big catch she has been looking for.

Sigh. Do guys really fall for that hokey stuff just because it comes from a pretty girl? Hmmm, dumb question.

At any rate, I think they are all fighting a losing battle. After all, if the Captain and Tennille can't make it, what hope is there for the rest of us?


Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when he’s not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.


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