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Posted on Sat. Jun. 14, 2014 - 12:01 am EDT

MARINATING A COLUMN BY MIKE MARIN

Forget horsemen: TV reveals end is near

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We don’t need the four horsemen to know the end is near. There are plenty of other signs foretelling the downfall of civilization.

Before “Sharknado 2” has even hit the airwaves this July, Syfy has announced “Sharknado 3” is set to premiere the following summer.

There is campy bad, and there is just plain bad bad. “Sharknado” fancies itself the prior. Ummm, no.

The original “Batman” TV series starring Adam West was campy.

“Get Smart” was campy.

This is nowhere near as much fun. (Now, if a shark drives away in the Batmobile while chatting on his shoe phone, we’ll talk.)

Another high-point in broadcasting history, “Wife-Swap,” is unfathomably still on the air.

At least, after featuring such “celebrities” as Dweezil Zappa, Robin Leach and Andy Dick, they seem to be running out of celebrity wives to swap.

A recent episode featured “Angie Stone, Entertainment Icon.” I’m sorry, entertainment what?

With trashy shows like this to look forward to, maybe the apocalypse isn’t such a bad thing.

There is a glimmer of hope, however: “Bad Teacher,” quite possibly the worst nonreality programming of the past few seasons, has been, thankfully, put out of our misery.

If this is all too depressing and you decide to end it all without waiting for the actual apocalypse, which, according the sign guy on the street corner, is scheduled for November, might I suggest a steady diet of fast food.

One famous chain’s heart-stopping “Double Down” entree features cheese, sauce, two “sizzling” strips of bacon surrounded by two pieces of fried (of course) chicken.

A daily diet of this delicacy with over 1,380 milligrams of sodium, 150 milligrams of cholesterol and 32 or 37 grams of fat (depending on whose website you believe), and you won’t be able to outrun a sloth, let alone one of those ominous horsemen.


Mike Marin is a cranky curmudgeon who, when hes not yelling at kids to get off his lawn, likes to complain about the sad state of popular culture, especially as seen through a TV screen. His email address is marinating@tribune.com. This column is the personal opinion of the writer and does not necessarily reflect the views or opinion of The News-Sentinel.


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